Written By: Kerrington Sweeney
When I was growing up, I really struggled with my outward appearance. I struggled with feeling pretty. I struggled with how I looked. I wasn’t the smallest girl growing up, I was slightly bigger…but I never felt weird about it or out of place for it. I was welcomed and loved, until one day….
I still remember the harsh words said, back when I was just 12 years old. This beautiful girl with very, very long brown silky hair, slim legs, athletic build and well-liked by all the other girls…Walked straight up to me, the red crazy curly haired, freckled face not so slim girl…spanned the room, as if she was looking for someone and then said straight to my face: “Wow! You’re the biggest of the bunch!” She walked away snickering with her little posse and I walked away with a crushed heart. All I wanted to do, was cry my eyes out. I was 12, that really hurt me.
After that incident had taken place, I ran to the nearest washroom, looked in the mirror and just wanted to shake with anger and disgust of myself. “Why would she say that? I’m not really that big…am I? ” I thought. Tears streamed down my cheeks. My ‘Aunt’ who was there being a leader at this girls program came into the washroom where I was, with one of the other girls, who was my close friend. My Aunt held my hands and began reminding me, that I was exactly the way God wanted me to be. I was beautiful in His eye’s.
Those harsh words that were said, were really hard to get rid of. It was hard to forgive.
“Biggest of the bunch!” Yes, for awhile I believed this. Most definitely this was an attack planned by the enemy in attempts to destroy my self-worth at a young age. Every time I would look into the mirror, or step onto the scale, all I could ever see was the negative. It was like a black foggy blur covering my eyes, not allowing me to see the “real” me, properly…as God intended me to see.
My heart hurt for so long. Those harsh words, I just kept hearing them on vicious cycle, like a non stop repeat. It’s like I could never delete that recording in my mind. Just like a battle wound takes a long time to heal, so did my little heart.
Every girls program or outing, I would get so nervous to go, in deep fear, that she would say something so rude or negative again. I desperately wanted to go to these events and just be me, Kerrington!
And so I did. With my Aunt’s wonderful support, I let the mean words go. I wasn’t going to have that girl keep me at home because of fear. I moved on, forgave her and became confident in my own skin again.
If you struggle with self-worth, let me tell you, you aren’t alone. Not even close to being alone. Every girl/woman at some point in time, feels out of place. You are beautiful just the way you are. Don’t ever change who you are because someone says something. Like my Aunt said, many years ago…”You are created exactly the way God wants you to be!!” God created you with a divine plan in mind. He placed unique giftings and desires in your heart that no one else will ever think, or dream of. He knows the number of hairs on your head. Obviously, He loves you! You are created with high purpose. Don’t let harsh words rule your life. You are powerful! You are so loved my friends! Live Freely. Forgive Often. Love Deeply.
Until Next Time,
Kerrington Sweeney is President & Founder of Uniquely Yours Ministries! (www.uniquelyyoursministries.com)
She is honoured that God has entrusted her with this adventure, of Ministry Leadership at such young age. She presently serves on various leadership teams at different churches and actively volunteers in her home town. She carries a strong mantle of community, a heart to love the unloveable, and walks with divine purpose to empower and compel women of the faith.
Kerrington, adores journaling, public speaking, shopping, leading, and star-bucks with a friend! She feel’s God’s ‘call’ to one day embark on the journey, of a lifestyle fully committed to ministry and the expansion of God’s Kingdom.