I’ve written on forgiveness in the past, but I keep thinking about one person I needed to forgive that changed how I looked at my adoption differently and how I looked at my future wedding.
When I was little, I was told that my birth father denied that I was his and was one of the main reasons why I was put up for adoption. Wow! Straight denial of love.. by your father!! Ouch! For the longest time, I believed this and never wanted to meet him because if I did, I would punch him so hard that he would never forget that pain like the pain I felt for so many years. When I became a born-again Christian, I felt God calling me to forgive that man. It was one of the most difficult things God has ever called me to do.
I don’t remember how much time went past, but I received a message from a woman who said she knew my biological half sister and she wanted to be in contact with me. I said I knew my sister already and didn’t know what she was talking about. By this time, I had already developed a friendship with my biological mother’s daughter. She said, “No, your father’s daughter.” I agreed because of course, she had no control over the decisions my birth father had made 21 years before that. I spoke with my sister and found out that what I had been told was not true. I agreed to hear his side of things. It turns out that in 1991, public notices would go out in the local paper about adoptions. Well, he didn’t get the paper at his house. He never knew she was even giving up her parental rights.
Now, I don’t know if what he said was truth or if what she said was truth because there were other components to the story. I could have easily not have been his. When you look at us, it is clear that I’m his daughter, so to us, that’s all that matters now. I have given up on knowing the truth from the past, and I focus on the truth of the present. What is truth for the present is that I now have two fathers that I get to have walk me down the isle and dance with at my wedding. If God didn’t put forgiveness on my heart for this man, I wouldn’t have this.
I am a lover of art and tattoos. I of course only get something done if it has significant meaning and if I think about it for quite some time. In October of 2015, I got this tattoo. I saw, at a Matthew West concert, the analogy of a dandelion for forgiveness as the petals fly away. I thought this was perfect! Each fly-away petal signifies a major forgiveness that was difficult but necessary for me to be at peace and someone who God put it on my heart to forgive. There are four at this point. One for my birth father, birth mother, my adoptive mom, and one for the ex boyfriend who caused me pain. (See About the Author )
Forgiveness can be very powerful. It can even lead to good relationships. Do you need to forgive someone? What’s holding you back?
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